Yes, success. And, fulfillment.

Which we choose to pursue first will determine whether we find both or neither.

“Miriam, I think I’d be fulfilled working at a coffeeshop after National Office, but I don’t want people to think I’m not successful.” 

My teammate Paxton’s words resonated deeply with me. I, too, have dreams I’d like to achieve, but am afraid others won’t be impressed. This fear often deters me from taking steps down those paths.

Have you ever thought something similar—“I’d love to do x, but other people won’t perceive it as successful”? I can’t even tell you how often I’ve followed similar thought patterns. It stems back to a common element of human nature: We care too much about what others think. 

In my conversation with Paxton, we were discussing plans for returning to our respective college campuses and internship ideas for the following summer. Fully aware people are watching us and many past national officers pursue relatively high-profile roles after their year of service to FFA, we feel this distinct pressure to do something similar. Regardless of where you find yourself in life, there are pressures from your in-group: to keep earning more degrees in college, to work in a certain office or city, or even something outside of a career, such as what shoe brands you wear. 

There is some value in social pressure. I have a group of friends who hold each other accountable to fitness goals. Many days, I have approximately zero internal motivation to go for a run, but the knowledge my friends will be disappointed in me if I don’t? It’s enough to get my headphones in and running shoes on. There’s a fine line between social pressure and accountability. The difference, I think, is that most social pressure doesn’t have a deeper purpose; accountability does. General social pressure doesn’t understand what will fulfill you as an individual; friends who hold you accountable should be the type of people who both understand your life goals and will support you in them, even if they’re not the same as their own life goals. 

There’s an idea coined by Renee Gerard called mimetic desire. Essentially, it proposes that humans don’t actually know what we want, so we end up wanting what everyone else wants. That shoe brand? You probably don’t buy a new pair because you think they’re comfortable shoes at the ideal price point; you buy them because you want to look like the people you spend time with. (I did precisely this last summer. I was tired of being the only one in my circles without a certain type of shoe and I didn’t want to seem like I wasn’t cool. I’m a bit ashamed to admit it. Even being aware of mimetic desire doesn’t always protect you from it.) Yet, following mimetic desire does not bring long-term fulfillment; we’re quickly on to the next thing everyone else wants. How can we find a deeper fulfillment?

When our guiding compass is centered on fulfillment—of a meaningful, long-term sense, not simply what is fun or enjoyable in a given moment—we will ultimately find true success. If we look for the outward success first, we’ll find neither fulfillment nor success. Mimetic desire isn’t long satisfied; truly fulfilling choices are sustainable. And, the longer you do something fulfilling, even if not perceived as successful, the less appealing the perception of success becomes.

The summer before I was elected to national office, I worked for a small, but thriving, company in a small town in Iowa. Many of my peers were interns at multinational companies with more employees than people living in the town I worked in. Yet, it was the most fulfilling summer of my life up until that point; while I was sometimes insecure at first to tell people what I did for my internship, by the time I reached the end of my time there I was happy to share it with the world. I loved it and I knew I was fulfilling my purpose for that season of my life, thus meaning I found success there, too. Even now, though, as I pursue next summer’s job, I find myself back in the “but what if people don’t think I’m successful” mindset. It’s hard to break, but I’m working to surround myself with those who hold me accountable to a compass of fulfillment over surface success. 

So what, Paxton, if people don’t think you’re successful if you work at a coffee shop after national office? You’ll be good at it, the people you work with will love that you’re there, and you’ll add value to people’s lives every day. Ultimately, we won’t look back on our lives and wish others had thought we were more successful. Instead, we’ll likely be most grateful for the seasons of our life in which we were the most fulfilled. That sense of fulfillment is the most true form of success. 

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What is a dream you’re afraid to pursue because of others’ perceptions? How will you overcome that fear? Share your thoughts in the comments below or tag me on social media at @nffaevp and @miriamrosah and use the hashtags #EmbracingComplexity and #FFA21.