Protecting Your Ego Holds You Back
So tell it to take a hike so you can become all you were created to be: an inherently valuable human being who makes meaningful contributions to the world.
Over the last month or so, we’ve been exploring the idea of our ego, and how it acts out of a place of insecurity, not security. Visit the archive to get caught up if you missed the last three posts! We wrap up the topic this week.
Have you ever had something you knew you had to do, but you dreaded doing it? Maybe it was a speech in class, a time-consuming project at work, or certain drill at practice. For me, it was a practice sales call I was supposed to do with my sales training manager. I knew he didn’t expect me to be perfect, but wow was I going to be so far from perfect I just knew I’d embarrass myself (also known as: fail to protect my ego). Not only would he see just how not-great-at-my-job I was, but he also saw all my peers, and the idea that I would do badly compared to everyone else was not a happy thought. But there was no way out: I had to kill my ego because I had to do this call. As I prepared the week leading up to it, I would get nervous and stressed just doing research to get ready. You know how it goes, when you have something you don’t want to do so you just procrastinate and hope it will go away? Finally, the day rolls around, I get my notes organized, click “Join Call,” and launch into my introduction. I build some rapport, somewhat awkwardly. I ask some good questions, but get too deep into product knowledge that I have to start down a new path before I look like a complete idiot. I do some math to show how margin is better with my product and end up being wrong and changing course. Somehow, the excruciating 30 minutes are over, and my sales training manager asks me how I feel. I answer with a solid “MEH.” It was a completely mediocre performance. And I’m not saying that to be self-deprecating: I’m learning a lot, but I still have a lot more to learn. But after we talked through feedback and what I did well and where I should focus my attention to improve, and I left the call, I felt SO GOOD. And it’s not because he told me I was better than everyone else (I’m not) or because he told me I’m going to be the best salesperson in the company (I won’t be). It took me the rest of the afternoon to figure out why I was so happy: it’s simply because I did the thing I was afraid of which would bring me closer to my goals.
Friends, I don’t think there’s any better way to get to where we want to go than to kill our ego. In fact, I don’t think we can get there at all. No one else can do it for you: You have to choose to set aside your fear of embarrassment and doing something you’re not good at—yet. Because, with few exceptions, something you’re not good at now is something you could be good at if you were willing to be bad at it for awhile, first. It’s pretty hard to get good at something if all we do is sit back and let our egos tell us it’s not worth the risk.
What’s the thing in your life you want to get to, but your ego is holding you back? Maybe it’s having a stronger community where you live, but that requires stepping out and making new friends at work or the gym or at church. Maybe it’s learning a new skill at your job so you can progress to another role, or be more versatile in your current one.Whatever those things are, look for this sign: if you hear yourself saying “I don’t want to do that because I might get laughed at” or “I’ve never done something like this before so I don’t want to start now” or “everyone else seems to be doing well and know what’s going on so I can’t admit that I don’t know what’s going on and I’m not doing well,” you can be pretty confident that’s your ego talking. And when our ego starts talking, we have one job: tell it to shut up. Because it’s not making our lives any better, it’s not making anyone else’s life better, and it certainly isn’t getting us any closer to where we want to be.
If you’re still wondering about the Go-Karts, yes, Paxton did convince me to sign up and race. And, if you’re still wondering, yes, I was slow, and yes, I did get passed multiple times by the same people. And also, if you’re still wondering, yes, I would absolutely do it again. Because my ego can take a hike. It’s not doing anything for me, so why should I listen to it? We can rest in the knowledge that our value is secure, our performance can’t change it, and anything good in life is on the other side of our ego. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, and neither do you. So let’s go live like it.
Journal Prompt of the Week
What’s the one step you’ll take this week to kill your ego? Who will you share your journey with to hold yourself accountable?
This is a REALLY important article! I will take it to heart and be my full self as long as it involves kindness and enthusiasm!