We Don't All Have To Do The Same Thing
From The Archives, Part 2 - Yes, I grew up on an organic farm. Yes, I sell chemicals. No, Thanksgiving dinner is not awkward.
There are pros and cons to working a relationship-based job in agriculture in your home area when you grew up on a farm, especially when you sell the types of products that your home farm simply doesn’t use due to their chosen style of farming. A pro is that a lot of people know your family name. A con is you’re not always sure if that’s a good thing or not.
Have you experienced a strong divergence from the path of others in your family? For some of us, it’s more pronounced, but I think we all can relate to some degree. It’s something of a universal human cycle: as a child, we believe exactly what our family does, and then we get a little bit older and think they’re wrong about everything, and then gradually start to realize there’s value in retaining or revisiting some of those beliefs while also forging some of our own ideas. If we’re fortunate, our families respect us even more for having formed our own opinion of how the world works.
As one of those fortunate ones whose organic farming family has not, in fact, disowned me for selling synthetic chemicals, it makes conversations with the conventional agriculture locals quite interesting. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked how family holiday dinners go, I could probably buy myself several nice cups of overpriced coffee.
Not only have I learned to, as succinctly as possible, explain “they go just fine, I live my life and they live theirs and we respect each other for what we do,” but I’ve also noticed something else. When these same people ask about my family dynamic, they often add something else quite positive about my brother, who primarily runs the row crop portion of the farm. It might be something like “I know he farms differently than most of us, but he’s a great neighbor to work with,” or, “every time I drive by, I’m impressed by how clean the fields are.” For those of you unfamiliar with the dynamic between organic farmers and the other farmers in the area, this is a pretty surprising thing to hear. Often, organic farmers are criticized or looked down upon. Yet, something I’ve noticed from my time spent with groups of organic growers, is that many are often looking right back down their own noses at their conventional neighbors. My brother isn’t like this; he doesn’t allow a different farming system to stand in the way of being a good neighbor and a skilled farmer.
I’ve been talking about farming, but this actually isn’t really about farming. Here is the universal lesson: if we do whatever we do well, we do it in good faith, and we don’t unnecessarily criticize those who do it differently, we are far more likely to be respected by those who do things differently.
Now, this doesn’t mean if we do everything right, then no one will every criticize us. What it does mean, however, is before we point the finger at our neighbor for being a bad neighbor, we should take a look in the mirror and ask if we’re being the best neighbor we can be. If your acquaintance on the other side of the political aisle is nasty to you, you might try reflecting on on how you’ve treated them and communicated your ideas, first. It’s true life is sometimes simply unfair; it’s also true that we have full responsibility for how we portray our ideas and beliefs to the world.
When I wrote the below piece, I had no idea I would end up being a chemical sales rep, and I’d be living out the “yes, and” concept in my day-to-day life. I also hadn’t thought as deeply about the above lesson, realizing that much of what I perceived to be criticism of organic production was as much a reaction as anything. As you read the below piece, I challenge you to notice what area of you life you could use a little more of the “yes, and” mentality rather than the “no, because” mindset. Whether it’s your career, your politics, or your opinions on food, I think we can all aim to be more understanding and respectful of the various good ways there are to live a life. And, hey, maybe your next Thanksgiving dinner will go a little more smoothly as a result.
Journal Prompt of the Week
Where is an area of your life you’ve found becomes divisive? Is there a better way you could approach conversations about it?