'Tis [Always] The Season
Why it's never too late (or too early) to cultivate gratitude.
Now that we’re finally past all of the debates about whether or not it’s too early to decorate for Christmas (unless you’re still a Christmas Eve holdout, but at this point no one agrees with you), I’m actually going to jump back into a Thanksgiving theme. It seems in our well-meaning attempts to defend Thanksgiving’s ground against the Christmas sprawl, we end up spending most of the season arguing about when to put up the wreaths and the lights and miss the very thing we’re defending: a time to step back and intentionally cultivate gratitude. And, as much as I love Thanksgiving, I think we would do better to be on the lookout for moments to cultivate gratitude, no matter the time of year.
On a recent Monday evening, I found myself spiraling into a spirit of ingratitude. It had been one of those workdays where there simply were not enough hours in the day to do everything that needed to be done before early the next morning, and I found myself sitting in my truck in the gym parking lot putting together PowerPoint slides at 9:30 p.m. I had rushed through my workout so I could get back to work, and as I waited for my husband to finish his lifts, I was attempting to dig myself out of the pile of things yet to be done. The rest of the week was shaping up to be just as busy, and I was quickly developing some resentment towards my job. You see, it wasn’t that I had procrastinated on my work and got behind; no, it’s the nature of my job where one day can be slow and calm, and the following day, ten people can call you and each need something immediately. You can’t work ahead when you don’t know what’s ahead, and I was getting overwhelmed.
Have you ever found yourself frustrated, disappointed, or resentful of the very thing your younger self dreamed about? Maybe you’re shedding tears of frustrating at an assignment in a challenging class in college; yet, didn’t your high school self shed tears of joy when you opened your acceptance letter? Perhaps you’re quietly fuming at your significant other for forgetting about your dinner reservations; but, didn’t you spend days, weeks, maybe years, quietly praying for someone to love? Or, you’re like me, and you’re on the verge of throwing your computer out the window when you know it wasn’t that long ago you were hearing your boss’s voice on the other end of the line, asking you to take the job you had worked so hard to get.
Why do we do this? We scrap and strive towards our dreams, believing we’ll be happy when we achieve x, y, or z, yet once we get there, we quickly find something to complain about. Part of this is simply human nature; we always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence until we get there. Yet, I believe some of why this happens is because we do not have an effective way of deliberately cultivating gratitude for where we are. The other night, as I built PowerPoint slides about nitrapyrin and farmer loyalty programs, I let my mind wander back to the early morning in February when I was offered this job.
This is my new step in the right direction: each time I catch myself heading down the path of ingratitude for my job, I deliberately recall the moment I learned I got it. It’s 6:45am, I’m sitting on the edge of my seat in my hotel room, waiting for my boss to call me so I can head down to meet my colleagues in the lobby before heading to our meetings at headquarters for the day. As I watch my phone in anticipation for my boss’s name to pop up, I feel my heart beating louder and faster, and my mind races with the hypotheticals. I try to practice hearing him say “thank you for interviewing for the territory, but unfortunately, we’ve found someone who’s a better fit for the role,” so I can practice saying “thank you, I understand.” I’ve always coped with high pressure situations like this by convincing myself I won’t get the thing I want, but somehow it’s not working very well this time. As I’m having this internal tug-of-war, my phone rings, I jump, wait for the second ring so I don’t look desperate, and answer.
“Miriam, I just want to say thank you for interviewing for the territory. We really appreciated how much you care about the customers in the area and how hard you’ve worked in your current role. But, we had a number of strong candidates, so we’ve had to make a tough decision.”
I’m glad it’s a phone call so my boss doesn’t see my shoulders drop and my face fall. Well, good thing I practiced saying “thank you, I understand.” Except, I didn’t have to say that.
“After much deliberation, we decided we don’t want anyone else to take this role. So, I’d like to ask you one question: do you want the territory? Because it’s yours if you want it.”
Hold up, did he just say I got the job? I get to manage my dream territory? With customers I already know and love? My eyes instantly fill with tears as I try to maintain the composure in my voice and manage a “thank you, I can’t believe it, really?” My heart was sailing that day. I couldn’t imagine a better life than the one I had right then, right there.
That feeling—when you can’t imagine a better life than the one you live—is one of the purest forms of gratitude. Yet, how quickly do we encounter the reality that even our greatest dreams come with their own share of pain and struggle? And, when we encounter this reality, how quickly do we forget we can still remain grateful? I’m not promoting what many call “toxic positivity,” pretending that everything is awesome all the time. No, it’s something more like an acknowledgment that life can be both difficult and good, painful and beautiful, tiring and exciting. When the tough times hit, it helps to remind ourselves of the story of how we felt when we started out, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
That’s my challenge to you: what’s the part of your life you started out being intensely grateful for, but now you’re in the thick of things and it’s harder to feel that gratitude? Take the time to either write out the story of how you first felt, or even just remember and reflect on that moment. I’ll bet you’ll feel more gratitude again, and that gratitude will help carry you through the tough moments today. The other challenge is to take note of any moment where it’s easy to feel the gratitude, and hold on to those moments. Usually the moment we got the job, or received the letter, or found the one we love, is the easiest one to remember, but there are so many beautiful little moments along the way, in between the tough times, that can serve as reminders for gratitude cultivation.
This, my friends, is why I believe gratitude should be a regular practice: we don’t do it to check the box, but to rekindle the fire in our hearts for the work we do and the people we love. And, no, not even putting up your Christmas tree too early will take away the power of gratitude.
Journal Prompt of the Week
Where do you struggle with gratitude right now? What’s a moment you can anchor to for feeling gratitude even when it’s not easy?