It's Not Always About You
The Bar is Loaded, Pt. 6: In fact, life is almost always more meaningful when it's not about you.
I cried at my first powerlifting meet. It wasn’t because I was so late to my first squat attempt that I got skipped (true story), or even because I failed my third bench attempt (which I did). No, it was at the most unexpected moment: a moment which had nothing to do with me.
Between my last two deadlift attempts, I took some time to watch the lifters on the other platform. From the bleachers behind the platform, I watch the next lifter prepare to hit a personal record on the deadlift. His coach slaps his shoulders, the referee calls “BAR IS LOADED,” and the lifter steps up to the platform, hundreds of kilograms on the bar in front of him. As he begins the lift, the cheers of the crowd grow louder. I’ve never met this guy before, but I find myself cheering, too. The lifter finally locks out his shoulders, successfully completing the lift, and as he jumps off the platform to celebrate with his coach, I felt a stinging in my eyes. It took a second for me to realize I was CRYING because some random guy I’ve never met picked a barbell up off the floor. Huh? Why is this a big deal?
Have you ever found yourself filled with emotion because of someone else’s success? Maybe it’s a coworker who just had a breakthrough of success, a friend who finally got that good news phone call about their health, or a sibling who found the love of their life. We’re probably not very surprised that we’re excited or happy for people we know; but what about someone we’ve never met? Have you ever immersed yourself in the type of community that celebrates for both the names you know and the names you don’t?
That’s the type of community I found myself in the day of my first powerlifting meet, and it’s one of the primary reasons I continue to compete. While not everyone is as prone to crying over a random dude’s deadlift as I am, just about everyone will cheer for every single person on the platform, whether they’re picking up 50 kilos or 250. When warm-up rooms get crowded, just about everyone will graciously make sure each other lifter gets a chance to work in for their warm-up sets. When a lifter fails an attempt, they are met with fist bumps and genuine “you’ll get it next time”s from the sidelines as they step off the platform. While I used to think the strongest people at the gym were the scariest, I’ve now learned most of them are actually incredibly thoughtful, kind people.
So, how do we make our lives more like a powerlifting meet? Okay, maybe not so much the encouraging yelling and inevitable chalk dust everywhere, but the attitude of “everyone else is at least as important as me” that most lifters have. Here are a couple thoughts:
1) Every time you find yourself in a competitive environment, focus on bringing your best, not tearing down someone else’s.
What is it about competitions that makes us lean towards being downright nasty to one another? Whether an election, a job interview, or a sport, things tend to get ugly. Our human nature teaches us to be on the defense; for me to win, you have to lose, so if I make you look bad, I’ll look better. Right? Well, even if it technically works, it’s not a very pleasant way to live our lives. Instead, we’d be better off to focus on how we can perform at our best without trying to sabotage everyone else. It’s a more sustainable strategy whether we win or lose, and more fulfilling when we do succeed than knowing we didn’t actually earn the win on our own merit.
2) Don’t spend every moment thinking about yourself.
Whether in a competitive environment or not, it’s crazy how different life feels when we simply turn our attention from our own insecurities and worries to how we can help others. Everyone is worried about themselves, so when we can be the voice breaking through the insecurities to remind our fellow humans of their value and capability, it matters. A lot. It’s so cool because it’s a win-win: when you’re encouraging someone else, it’s hard to feel bad about yourself, and they feel better, too.
3) Deliberately choose to look for the good in others.
A number of wise people have said something along the lines of “whatever you look for, you will find.” If you look for things to dislike or criticize about other people, you’ll find all kinds of negative things. Yet, if you look for the good, the praiseworthy, the kindness, you’ll find that, too. When you leave your house in the morning, are you looking for the people who smile at each other in the checkout line or who hold the door for you at the gas station, or are you looking for the people who cut you off in traffic and send you grouchy emails? They’re all out there, but if you’re not looking for the first two, you’re not as likely to see them. The more we look for the good, the more we’ll want to become the good for others to find.
I’ll be the first to admit there’s nothing quite like the feeling of watching someone lift crazy numbers at a powerlifting meet; something about the sheer weight that some folks can lift is just inherently impressive. Yet, I also believe we can bring the same type of positive energy and encouragement to our day-to-day lives and the world will be much better for it. Whether you cheer for a stranger hitting a deadlift PR today or give someone an extra smile as you pass them on the sidewalk, let’s make today less about us and more about those around us.
Journal Prompt of the Week
What’s one thing you can do to make your typical day less about you and more about others?